will be fine, someday

Back again

Night thinking

Day dreaming

Malem ini lagi random.

Ngereview film dulu bentar deh

Jadi tadi sore

Eh wait. Ngereview koas dulu.

Jadi hari ini memulai stase baru yaitu gigi mulut. Stase yang kerjannya meratapi dinding. Yah selama 2,5 minggu kedepan semoga ada manfaat dan lulus. Aamiin

Dan yah karena lagi gilut, ini gak ada guilty pleasure lagi, bisa bebas nonton film. Kalo di stase lain kan ngerasa bersalah kalo santai santai haha

Oke jadi tadi pertama nonton Thor: the dark word. Film lama sih. Banget. Aku aja yg ketinggalan dan ga sempet nonton kemaren dan finally download sendiri.

Overall kalo mau ngasih nilai udah pasti lulus lah. Diatas 71 nilai B.

Marvel. Unbeatable.

Sbnernya cuma mau bilang aja, ini film sumpah lah bikin nangis terharu danbisa juga bikin super ngakak banget ah oh dear loki. Tapi tetep kesan heroiknya dapet dan dari awal sampe akhir ceritanya konstan seru. Ga kek beberapa film superhero lain yang aga monoton, pokoknya thor the best deh. Sayang aja gatau sampe detik ini aku masih ga nyaman liat muka chris hemsworth, entah dia salah apa, pernah main apa yang aku gasuka, tapi tetep ga sreg aja liatnya. Yah sejenis kikai terhadap lily Collins -_-

Next nonton mr and mrs smith

Dulu aku pikir ini film romance.

Dan aku jujur sangat kurang tertarik film romance

Gatau kenapa

Mungkin karena selama ini belom ada film romance yang berhasil menyentuh, fault in our star pun….biasa aja -_- me before you juga biasa aja. mo sedih sekalian nonton film kartun aja kalo meurutku mah

Atau mungkin my love experiences are mooore complicated that what people describes in film, love isn’t that simpe, so…. Terlalu menye dan dibuat-buat mah film cinta-cinta itu…

Oke back to topic, sampe aku nemu di google dan ternyata ini film action. Okeh jadi ditonton.

Dan yang main brad pitt dan Angelina jolie, pas bener mereka sekarang lagi berseteru aa so sad :’(((

Oke.

Pada udah nonton pasti kan ya.

Pokoknya intinya ada suami istri. Yah si pitt dan jolie ini, 5/6 tahun nikah tapi flat. Ternyata mereka itu dua duanya sama sama spy, sama sama nyembunyiin identitas mereka dan konfilknya adalah pas mereka sama sama udah tau identitas masing masing.

Gitudeeeeh.

Seriously aku aga sedih di pas bagian mereka berantem

Kayak…

Oh god, you both married but you want to kill each other

Just like…………

Love is just a setting for a silly game.

/galau lagi/

Just sick of any love stories.

Haha oke pokoknya itu ceritanya happy ending. Tenang aja.

Walau sempet ada script begini haha.

Udah so kikai setelah nonton itu jadi terdiam.

Ngilu

Pernah ngerasain sakit perasaan sampe kulit kulitnya ngerasa ngilu?

Nah.

Truly I don’t believe in love. Anymore.

Not only about lovers ya

I mean….

Any kind of love in this life

Love of family

Love of friends

I lost too much

And I just don’t have someone to count.

Sad. Yes?

So much

There are so many things that happen in last 10 years since my biggest lost.

And after that, much fears haunted me.

For real, I always dream about her idk why, almost every day.

Yeah……..Last night is still about her.

I just can’t take her off my unconscious mind, maybe

Or my fears are uncountable and marked

Time just can’t heal

And also

Since in college, lovers come and go and failed.

And they never end smoothly

Until now.

Friends, too.

And I’m just keep blaming myself for what already happened to me

Everything

Sick

And drown deeper. Deeper everyday

And I start to lost my hope in everything, lost my expectations to anyone

I never expect someone to be fine with me

I’m fine with my loneliness

I’m become more realistic. No feeling.

Idk, such a good condition, or just pathetic

And the only one thing that keeps me going is God.

I always believe God still loves me

God know I’m alone

And in some conditions, God always warn me, teach me, tell me, and protect me, because no human can do this to me. Now.

Thanks

God.

Mungkin ini bukan tulisan yang bagus

Kalo bagus udah aku ikutin lomba esay ilmiah.

Emang

Udah dibilang isi blog ini cuman curlay

Im tired of faking my smile

Im drowning tonight in my own tears

God tonight im not strong enough to face everything

I start to miss everything

I miss my mom

I miss my dad

I miss my home

and, you.

Semoga ga ketemu orang kayak kikai lagi ya

Im a fool.

Semoga bisa jadi lebih baik

I just want to be me,

And feel what I feel

tonight