Case closed

The best feeling that I ever had is loving someone silently

The worst feeling that I ever had is loving someone silently.
-----------------------------------

I hate the feeling when I think about you everytime I listen to any songs

But secretly I enjoy the feeling when I think about you everytime I listen to any songs
-----------------------------------

Include my alarm song
When I listen to it
It reminds me with who's on my mind when I open my eyes in the morning
It reminds me with the story in my dreams
It reminds me with the one that will appear in my day today

Whether it's right or wrong.
Blame the music who reminds me of you.
Any songs.
Blame the music who tells me that I'm in love.

And tells me I'm starting to play the fool

-ngen

"Maybe we should walk in our own ways to get own victories for now. So someday we can hold our hands in the happiness."

Yap. Dear papa, dear mbak un, dear nanda.

(Kamar kosan, 22 agustus 2014. Setelah dengan tanpa sengaja bbm kalian semua barengan)

Someday, (hope) I can... and will think clearly, better than today.

with or without me
i know you should be happy
with or without me
you will find the right one in your life
with or without me
you already plan your better future

i'll be the first to celebrate every good things that happen to you
i will show my biggest smile for you
i will pray the best saying for your happiness
yap.
i promise.

because, with or without you
i..
i don't know
should i think about this actually?

i don't blame you for haunt me in my dream.

with or without you
i should continue my life
-------------------------------------

it's funny how artistic we become when our hearts are broken
-------------------------------------

wait.
am i broken?
for something that haven't done yet?
for something that randomly come out fill my mind?
for something that haven't..
i haven't think this is good or bad ._.
is this the real things?
is this the real life?
or it just a fantasy~~~~
-------------------------------------

aaaah
ah alay lah ngeblog ginian terus.

Dan dalang dibalik cerita

aku benci si pembuat drama
yang membuat panggung negatif tanpa daya
yang mengurasi emosi dan air mata
yang dengan sendirinya menarik pemikir dan perasa
yang memperkeruh
bahkan menghancurkan suasana

buat apa aku menuruti si pembuat drama
saat dia berada di klimaksnya
tepat saat aku merindu sebuah cerita
tepat, ia si pintar mengikat jiwa
oleh sesuatu hal yang belum benar adanya
dia lagi yang berulah tiba-tiba

aku benci si pembuat drama
ya, dia yang selalu ada
bagaimana aku bisa merasakan kesakitan sebelum kesakitan itu menyentuh raga?

hanya otak
ya dia si jenius
si biang pembuat drama

-------------------------------------
buka pikiran dan buka mata
hari ini kau baik baik saja, kai
semua bisa dilakukan dengan biasa.
hidupmu aman didalam hembusan nafas lega
tanpa harus tersakiti oleh apa apa

-------------------------------------

berusaha untuk mematikan rasa.

Mbak un: Duh aku pengen cari dokter kulit yang bagus nih
Kiki: Lho kamu ud gak pake produk *suatu merek* itu lagi?
Mbak un: Engga. Udah abis. Pengen cari yang bisa mutihin nih. /sibuk berkaca/
Kiki: .....
Mbak un: Kamu gak mau pake produk dokter juga ki? Pakek laah.
Kiki: Ah males ah biarin aja pake *suatu merek* aja buat cuci muka sama pelembab. Takut aja kalo mau pake obat dokter ntar ketergantungan. Biarin aja tetep kayak gini.
Mbak un: Iya, kamu masih tetep item kan. /sambil tetep sibuk berkaca/

*krek...krek*
*backsound suara hati patah*

Waking up in the morning after dreaming about this terrible thing and it changes my mood all day long

Feeling sick
Sick of loving
Sick of caring
Sick of seeing your face
Sick of wondering of what's on your mind
Sick of thinking, what I've already did with my own self, my own feeling.
Sick when I know, you look for your own way. I think. No clue.

Yeah
But
I'm happy for feeling sick
I don't need to plan about the future
I don't need to fly away with my dreams
Maybe I'm asking too long without any answer
Maybe we really don't need to clarify anything

Maybe I just need
...to realize the reality.
And my stupidity

----------
Paloma already told us, "Only love can hurt like this"

This is our show

We are comunicating in silent hope.
I miss you in every sound of tidy words.
They never really know, just a little understanding.
You playing your own scenario in your mind without me

With

He
And
She
Others who's dreaming forward for faithful realtionship

I really never imagine God make this story for me.
Starring you.

No better reality

Boy: hey long time no see! I miss you.
Girl: I'm not missing you at all... actually
Boy: ... okay.
-----
Girl: yeah, crazy you for appearing in my dream every night.

An old stranger

Belum pernah kulihat mukanya
Belum pernah kutahu namanya
Suatu sosok yang mengingatkan
Saat aku berusaha menyamai langkahnya
Semakin dekat semakin terasa jelas

Suatu sosok yang mengingatkan
Semua senyuman yang pernah dibuat olehnya
Penerang kegelapan didalam canda
Pengingat dalam bahasa bernada
Ruangan yang menjadi latar cerita
Heroin untuk sementara
Gelombang tsunami yang melanda
Dan berbulan bulan waktu untuk bertanya

Sampai kudapati raut wajahnya
Suatu sosok yang mengingatkan
Saat aku memang harus berhenti
Ia berjalan didepan aku yang masih berdiri

Kusunggingkan senyum untuknya
Tidak apa singgah sementara
Walau pernah menjadi mimpi yang didamba
Membuatku menjadi pujangga
Namun jalanku bukan miliknya

Bukan apa
Hanya sekelibat pikiran semata
Oleh si sosok yang mengingatkan

(Bandara soekarno hatta, 2 agustus 2014)