is it your plan, God?

why God challenges me
everything about you.

since the first time we met
why don't we just have normal convos?
why i accept another people than you?
why i open my eyes when everything already passed?

and then
why we should have night talk that changes everything?
why i should ruined your relation?
why why why why "yours" should take me as her friends?
why our relation is not only about me and you?

why i hesitate about you?
why people don't stand on my side?
why i should think to much about everything?
why it can't be easy for me?

why finally i let you go?

but
why i realize everything will be make sense with you?
why i regret about everything?
why i need and miss you so much?
why everything come when it is too late?

and when i want to meet you.

WHY YOU JUST GO ABOUT SEVERAL HOURS AGO?

shit.

2 days more 

waiting for you

to come back.

2 days more

sinking in this emptiness

so it is become numb

and empty

the end.

self calmer. reminder

dont afraid to be wrong

even you far away from right

we alwaya learn new things

you are not alone

everything will be back 

or changed into something better

as it written by god

sorry im too afaid to look for my destiny

i wait it to come to me

and finally, regret and guilty

until when you will shout your mouth to me
-------------------------------------------------------
kenapa semua lagu nyindir

kenapa semua film nyindir
kenapa semua quote tumblr nyindir.

iya kikai parah iya bego juga :(

hah kayak ada sakit sakitnya gitu.

But It's June

I know it's not the smartest thing to do
We just can't seem to get it right
But what I wouldn't give to have one more chance tonight
One more chance tonight

Well I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did
And I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did
And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did
And you didn't mean to love me back, but I know you did

And I didn't mean to meet you then
we were just kids
And I didn't mean to give you chills
the way that I kiss
And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did
And you didn't mean to love me back but I know you did

Don't say you didn't love me back 'cause you know you did
No, you didn't mean to love me back
But you did

Hati

kumpulan untaian serat halus yang rapuh

yang akhir akhir ini menjadi mainanmu, bodoh.

I am not being me

Mental breakdown

is

When you start believe on something

But people mock at you

When you try to be kind

But you failed

You hurt him.

So, which way i should take?

...Or maybe just my overreact mind

In our private time,
You'll be fully mine

But when we face the world,
You belong to society.

Written in reverse

You are a beautiful sentence i wrote on my white paper with pen
Hard to erase because i believe in you
You will stay forever

Years and years passed

But when suddenly i know you're no longer want to stay there
I can't easily use eraser
But you should be removed

I just want to tear the paper
And tear my world

But
You're not worthy for it
Go get a pen correction
You're not belong in my life anymore

I let my paper be white again
Even it can't be fixed perfectly
It still left a mark

But i should go on and get my life
My life wouldn't stuck on the matter of you again and again

I should make a new sentences of memories

And left you behind

A new story without you

Jeng jeng

*makan pagi*
*aga males malesan, ambil piring plastik paling depan, ambil nasi, lauk, makan, nyuci*

*makan malem*
*masi males malesan, ambil piring yang tadi dipake pas pagi...*

Mbak un: pake piring yang beling lah ki.
Kiki: hmm.. /gapeduli/
Mbak un: ..soalnya piring yang itu sering dipake buat guguk.
Kiki: WHAAAT?! /ngacir balik ke dapur

I can't handle myself
I know this is so hard

That's why i never let people do it for me
Or even take so much part of it

19 years and regret

In a steady stage afraid to face the future.

Looking for any way to go back to the past.

I want to start all over again and fix all of my mistakes.

If only i can

About love, about study, about situations. About life.

God i just want to be happy

Why i feel so insecure right now

Why i should be so overthink. Why i should think too much. Feel too much. Afraid too much.

Afraid to hurt people, afraid to do anythng, afraid of society’s perception, afraid to make people hate me

Afraid to be left and lonely.

I’m underestimating myself.

God i just want to be happy

Why i can’t find anything to hang

Any home to live

Any place to go back and take a rest

Any love to feel

Why i feel so unwanted

Why i can't feel the same way with people who loves me so much

Yap. Can’t stop blaming myself again and again.

And God i just want to be happy

Even i have someone now

I’m afraid of affection or addiction

I’m afraid with feeling

I hate expecting something from someone.

And afraid to feel jealousy. Again.

Because i know it hurts

I lost my self.

Really lost the soul inside.

Tuhan, yang kali inilah, jangan turuti prasangka umatMu :(

Tuhan, bersihkan hatiku

Tuhan, tenangkan.

Bismillah.