Failed to walk away from the memories.

A strange feeling when suddenly i see a conversation of lovey-dovey couple.
actually they don't make any mistakes to me, or disturb me. But they just make me think so deeply about myself.

1. When someone ask his/her partner to be the one that they want.
just like something is pushing my chest
because i remember and i can't forget
someone was angry to me
because he saw that i am.. me.
someone ever asked me to change my personality
and i get failed.
and i'm afraid
afraid
when someone ask me to be different
when someone actually doesn't accept me
or just me who always afraid to change
I can't change myself
and i never be good enough to anyone

2. When they text-ing all day long.
I used to love this way, actually
until everything has change
when finally text-ing all day long just made someone bored
lack of interest
when we don't have anything to talked about.
when he only ask me 'what are you doing?' again and again
when i just replay his tweet after a loooong time of thinking, what word that i should use?
are the words already quiet attractive?
I'm afraid
being forced.
not in an enjoyable situation

3. When someone treat his/her partner well.
I forgot how to be specialized by someone that i love.
I forgot how's the feel of being special
and i forgot when the last time I felt it.
i'm afraid
am i worth enough to be fight for?
Because now I forgot how to impress someone.
How to treat someone well
I used to be so kind.
Used to.
And I think I'm worst on it. Now

I always worry about past.
stupid.
when i still thinking about the pain in my old relationships, am i called 'failed to move on'?

no.
I totally forget about the subjects, but the objects left.
scars.
To much fear.

You just need a clear vision.

There's no song that can explain the
Random
Expression of
Me when i see you
On the way here that makes my heart
Raced faster than before

Trying to turn off my
Radar because i get a little
Earthquake in my
Mind and stomach that will
Occurs every time I
Realize you get nearer

untidy and imperfect marginal sentences that can make you get nausea.
vomiting Cucumis melo

Keep shining tenderly

Everytime I close my eyes, you're the one who stands in the dark, of my mind.
You're the awful sweet dream
And you're the cutest nightmare.

This is just another story about the moon at night

Maybe night always wonder about the bright sky.
But now
Night will miss the moon in the long summer day.

Dedeq dak tau harus cakmano qaqa ~_~

Notes in the book of memories

Bisa gak ya menghilangkan ingatan dari pikiran?
Pengen gak tau semua hal
Pengen lupa semua hal
Hal hal yang kalo diinget cuma bisa buat sedih dan galau
Yang bikin pikiran suka kacau
Yang bikin suka underestimate diri
Yang bikin kita berubah gak kayak dulu lagi mulai dari sikap sampe sudut pandang
Yang bikin takut dan parno
Yang menurut aku ga kasih manfaat, tapi kasih penderitaan.
Pengen dihilangin. Pengen jadi brand new people yang masih fresh yang optimis dan bisa membuat cerita baru yang baik.

Emang selama ini bener sih.
Harus bisa belajar dari pengalaman
Pengalaman itu guru yg paling baik.
Bahkan dia pun selalu ngasih PR.
Mengharuskan kita untuk bisa lebih baik dari sebelumnya
Kalo gak sakit di awal, pasti kita sakit di akhir.
Kalo udah sakit, kita jadi tau yang mana yang baik dan yang buruk.
Tapi sayangnya rasa sakitnya masih suka tinggal

Gak bisa juga nyalahin takdir. Ngerasa punya hidup paling menyusahkan dan sengsara.
Gak tau aja gimana hidup orang lain. Bahkan banyak yg pengen punya hidup kayak kita, dipandang lebih menyenangkan.
Yah bersyukur sih. Harus bisa kuat. Harus bisa dewasa. Harus bisa ngerti kenapa ini terjadi.

Eh.
Tapi kalo pengen hilang ingatan ntar semua ingatannya bener bener abis ya?
dan semuanya ngulang dari awal lagi dimana kita gaktau apa apa?
Termasuk ngilangin semua pelajaran endokrin yang udah dibaca sementara rabu besok ujian?
Percuma aja belajar dari tk sampe kuliah dong kalo gini -_-
hahahahahahahahahaha /salahfokus/

Bisa nggak milih untuk minta kenangan yang mana yang harus tinggal di pikiran dan yang mana yang harus dihilangkan?

Shuffle Song

*lagi denger lagu di laptop*
Mbak un: Wah ki di laptop kamu ada lirik lagunya?
Kiki: Haha iya un ada aplikasinya. Pas pertama harus connect ke internet dulu buat nyari liriknya terus abis itu kalo udah kesave besok besok gapake internet bisa hidup terus liriknya.
M; Aaah lucuu. Ini bisa semua lagu?
K: Iya coba aja pilih lagu yang kamu mau. Tapi jangan yang di playlist aku ini. Yang di folder lain aja.
M: Ah ada kok ini lagu bagus aku tau *ngeklik lagu* 
K: ...
M: tapi kok agak beda ki? *tetep nyanyi nyanyi bagian awal*
K: ...

pas bagian reff.
M: AAAK APA APAAN INI KENAPA INI LAGUNYA TERIAK TERIAK GINI?! AKU PUSING!!

K: Kan udah dibilang -_- itu emang album isinya band punk yang ngecover lagu pop semua un._.

GYM CLASS HEROES - ASS BACK HOME
(covered by SECRETS)

Oh, it's so sexy y'all

*I don't know where you're going
Or when you're coming home
I left the keys under the mat to our front door
For one more chance to hold you close
I don't know where you're going
Just get your ass back home

We both knew this type of life
Didn't come with instructions
So I'm trying to do my best
To make something outta nothing
And sometimes it gets
Downright shitty in fact
When you call and I don't even know
What city I'm at

Or what day of the week in the middle of the month
In a year I don't recall
It's like my life's on repeat and the last time we spoke
I told you I wouldn't be long
That was last November now December's almost gone
I'd apologize but I don't realize what I'm doing wrong

I don't know where you're going
Or when you're coming home
I left the keys under the mat to our front door
For one more chance to hold you close
I don't know where you're going
Just get your ass back home

And you been nothing but amazing
And I never take that for granted
Half of these birds would have flew
To coop with you, you truly understand it
And the fact you stood beside me
Every time you heard some bogusness
You deserve a standing o
'Cause they'd a just been over it

Let em talk, let em talk, let em talk, let em talk
Like we don't hear what they saying
Let em walk, let em walk, let em walk, let em walk
We'll just drive by and keep waving
Cause you and I above all that
Just let em wallow in it
Now they all choked up, yuck
Cause they be swallowing it

I don't know where you're going
Or when you're coming home
I left the keys under the mat to our front door
For one more chance to hold you close
I don't know where you're going
Just get your ass back home

No one holds me down like you do, sweetheart
You keep doing that, I'll keep doing this
We'll be all right in the end
Trust that
We put the us in trust, baby
Let's go!

I don't care what you're after
As long as I'm the one, no
I don't care why you're leaving
You'll miss me when you're gone

I don't know where you're going
Or when you're coming home
I left the keys under the mat to our front door
For one more chance to hold you close
I don't know where you're going
Just get your ass back home

I'm home baby

HAHAHA this song. yang berhasil bikin suka pada pendengaran pertama (?) walau gak maksud ngeresapin apa arti lagunya, cuma enak banget buat didenger.

Brand New Year

Welcome 2014
Tahun Baru lala yeye Alhamdulillah masi dikasih waktu untuk ngerayain tahun baru HAHA

Bahkan tahun 2013 yang gak terasa udah terjadi, sekarang udah berlalu.
Terimakasih dua ribu tiga belas atas semua cerita berharganya!!
sedikit review,
Di 2013 aku udah 18 tahun. intinya berarti udah besar ya ._. kalo aku mau, merokok, dugem itu udah boleh. iyo nian.
Di 2013 banyak galaunya hampir setengah tahun -_- gloomy 7 bulan awal 2013. tersita perhatiannya. Dan pas udah semua kelar, ngerasa bebas banget buat hidup. dan alhamdulilllah bisa membina hubungan biasa aja yg baik dengan dia hem. walau menyisakan banyak sekali rasa rasa aneh yang bikin suka underestimate diri, suka sick of love song, tapi banyak banget belajar disini.
Di 2013 galau dan sakit bikin hipotensi dan turun bb drastis. Tapi akhirnya bisa naikin 6kilo :"
Di 2013 makin deket sama keluarga, bahkan keluarga jauh sekalipun. balik ke kota kelahiran yang udah lama gak dikunjungin :')
Di 2013 banyak banget ilang baraaaaang!!!! huh hah.
Di 2013 membuat hubungan yang baik sama banyak orang. dan disini kebahagiannya. beban berkurang, pikiran lebih ringan. Bebas banget buat bertemen, ketemu, main, ngabisin waktu sama siapa aja. ngerasa jadi lebih humble (?) dan bebas ngeflirt HAHAHAHAHAHA. Kayak dikasih orang orang yang baik dan berarti di hidup aku pas udah ending-ending 2013 yang bikin semua hari bewarna dan penyejuk hati eleee. A dark sky will not be lonely because of the attendance of stars and also the moon :)
Di 2013 dikasih tanggung jawab besar yang akan dijalani setahun kedepan
Di 2013 Hijab :)

harus lebih baik ya kai.
harus lebih bermakna hidupnya
lebih bertanggung jawab dan makin deket sama Tuhan haha supaya semua dilancarkan
tau skala prioritas dan sukses!
selamat menjalani 364 hari kedepan, kai!